I was in fifth grade when my teacher sent home a letter my parents had to sign to give the school permission to teach me about “the birds and the bees.” I’m now nearing my fifth decade and I haven’t heard of any class that teaches “the dragons and the dingos,” or how my body will change going into menopause. (Dragons and dingos seem fitting for hot flashes, changing skin tone, and wild mood swings.) Until recently, my meek knowledge about this topic mostly came from sitcoms where women raged against hot flashes and wept about “losing their womanhood.” When I was growing up–and even after I turned 40–nobody talked about it, really.
But the last decade has seen a lot of changes and I’m happy to say one positive change is that menopause is no longer taboo. In fact, it seems like everywhere I turn these days someone is talking about it. As I was planning this blog post, a friend posted a link on Facebook to an excellent article featured in The Lily entitled The Menopause Guide for All Ages by Cathy Alter.
Personal Resources
Within that guide, there are several resources I had already discovered but there are many more I was not aware of before. Below are some of the overlapping materials with my own personal spin on them.
Fleabag
The scene from Fleabag’s season two, the BBC and Amazon Prime series mentioned in the article, is one of my all-time favorite moments in that series. When I watched it, I cried because I felt heard, even though it wasn’t me saying the words. So much of aging is couched in negatives–all the things we lose. This scene, though, was refreshing and celebratory. It was a rallying cry to all women that after menopause we can truly come into our own, if we haven’t already.
And, in case you are reading this in a place where you can’t watch something with sound, here’s a quote from the Menopause Guide article that pretty much covers it:
“Women are born with pain built in,” she begins. “It’s our physical destiny — period pains, sore boobs, childbirth. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t.” After explaining, with poignancy and humor, how she believes men seek out pain, she adds, “We have pain on a cycle for years and years and years, and then just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens? The menopause comes … but then you’re free. No longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person.”
~ From The Menopause Guide for All Ages and Fleabag, Season 2, Episode 3
The Vagina Bible by Jennifer Gunter, MD
This book is a valuable resource for any time of life–young, old, or in-between. In an easy-to-read, conversational style, Dr. Jennifer Gunter, a well-known gynecologist, lays out practical information about our female reproductive system and how to take care of it throughout life. She covers everything from menstrual cycles to menopause, including hair removal, sex toys, and all the things that can be worrisome for someone with a vagina. Although not all of the chapters apply to me, I plan on revisiting this book for the rest of my life as new questions arise.
V-Magic
V-Magic was not mentioned in The Menopause Guide by name, but vaginal dryness and irritation were. I’ve used V-Magic’s moisturizer and cleanser for several months and find they are helpful in keeping my lady parts a little happier (less itchy).
Dr. Jennifer Gunter, the writer of The Vagina Bible, suggests that using a mild cleanser and coconut oil are just as soothing, so as I used up my V-Magic, I started using CeraVe’s Baby Wash & Shampoo and Dr. Bronner’s Coconut Oil. So far, both are showing themselves to be decent (and cheaper) alternatives to V-Magic.
Even so, I keep thinking about V-Magic. It felt sort of special to use something designed just for my lady bits. I don’t know about you, but I am often critical about the physical package I came in. It deserves as much love and TLC as I can give it, though. In this time of menopause, it’s especially important to remind myself how much I love my body. Spending a few extra pennies to create a loving ritual seems worthwhile. So when I use up my cheaper alternatives, I may very well return to V-Magic, as a way of sending a kind message to my body.
I am not affiliated with V-Magic. I sincerely like their products enough to pass along the info in case it might appeal to you.
Dealing with My Own Personal Climate Change
A lot of my menopause sistren talk about being hot all the time and having hot flashes. I have had severe hot flashes for more than 10 years. I suppose I kept waiting for them to go away. It’s only been in the last couple of years that I spent some time learning ways to cope. Below are some of my personal solutions to these very real challenges.
Fabrics
In The Menopause Guide for All Ages, the author mentions bed sheets and clothing that are meant to help cool the body. All of those items are made from some form of nylon or polyester. The idea is that these fabrics whisk moisture from the body so you don’t feel the wetness of sweat. But my body reacts severely to items made from synthetics. As soon as I put it against my skin, that part of my body heats up. If I wear these fibers, I feel like a sweaty hot dog entombed in a sauna. And, if I get hot enough, I break into hives. As a result, I avoid these fabrics as much as possible and choose natural fibers, such as cotton, linen, and wool, and I keep my nighttime ambient temperatures lower so I (generally) sleep better.
It probably goes without saying that my husband is not going through menopause. Since losing 120 pounds several years ago, he is pretty much always cold. So much so that he receives hand warmers as Christmas gifts. Our body heat regulators have flipped. To keep him from freezing to death each night, I got him a heated mattress pad. And he LOVES it.
Fan
This past year when I made my annual trek to Vancouver to meet up with my troupe of midlife bloggers, I learned the value of a handheld fan. We changed in and out of outfits throughout the weekend and, with every change, came a fresh wave of dripping heat. Mel from Bag and a Beret came to my rescue with a fan that I carried around for our photoshoot. It kept me from melting into a rainbow-and-sequined-colored puddle. When I got home I bought myself one. I keep it in the bathroom because post-shower hot flashes are the worst.
Lightweight Layers
This time of year, lightweight layers are my best resource for keeping cool. It might be cold outside but I warm up quickly, so I aim for lighter weight sweaters and things I can peel off as needed. I’m still learning, though. Case in point: The outfit I wore to the Sassafras anniversary party (shown in the slideshow below). I thought the short sleeves would be enough to ensure my place among the coolest revelers, but I should have left off the short-sleeve turtleneck base layer.
Here I am with Amy from Sassafras celebrating the seventh anniversary of my favorite Seattle boutique. 
A close-up of the outfit I wore to Sassafras’s seventh anniversary party. If I did it all over again, I’d leave off the short-sleeve black turtleneck underneath all the other layers. It made me sweat all night. 
A striped cotton turtleneck steps in where heavier sweaters used to reign. Over this I layer outwear and scarves, depending on what’s happening outside. 
A lightweight wool turtleneck and striped scarf kept me warm enough walking around town before the rain moved in. 
I may have started off the day with a scarf and heavy wool cardigan but this outfit gave me the option to pare back as I heated up. By the end of the day, I was down to the cotton button-down top I wore underneath the other layers. 
A long-sleeve tee layered beneath lightweight v-neck was perfect for running errands around town. As the temperatures outdoors fell, I added a scarf and a quilted jacket (not pictured here).
Makeup
Finding makeup solutions to my changing skin is a constant quest. Lisa Eldridge is a well-known makeup artist in the fashion and entertainment world. Even as she rubs elbows with some of the elites, she never forgets the rest of us, including those of us over a certain age. Below is one of her videos demonstrating makeup tips for menopausal mavens. Click over to YouTube for more information about this video, including the makeup resources Lisa used on her model. If you scroll through her YouTube channel, you’ll find even more tutorials for women over 40.
Hat tip to Patti at Not Dead Yet Style for introducing me to Lisa’s online tutorials!
Phew! I don’t know about you, but after all that, I need my fan and I’m ready for a nap. Going through midlife changes is challenging but I hope this has helped at least some of you feel less alone on this road.
Keep the conversation going in the comments below. Are there any good resources you’ve discovered along the way? If so, post them in the comments below!
Linked to the lovely Patti’s Visible Monday at Not Dead Yet Style.
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Hi Sherry,
Have you tried acupuncture for hot flashes? I got plunged into menopause courtesy of breast cancer – mastectomy, chemo and now I have to take a daily estrogen blocker pill. Acupuncture saved me through the worst of the chemo side effects, and mitigated the God-awful anxiety that comes with both cancer and menopause. And it has made my hot flashes so negligible that I haven’t even gotten to use the beautiful fans that my friend sent me from Spain. Insomnia is also bygone.
I’m practically evangelical on the subject of acupuncture! I could go on and on, but I won’t take up more space. Feel free to ask me any questions you like.
Rhonda
Hi Rhonda!
Thank you for sharing your experience using acupuncture. I’m so glad you’ve found relief using it, but I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. In spite of it all, you sound ready to take on the world with acupuncture proving a marvelous tool in your recovery toolbox!
Unfortunately, my experience with acupuncture was not as successful. But I hope if someone is reading these comments and has questions for you they’ll write in! You never know what will work until you try it and hearing from someone who has found relief like you have can give others courage!
Hugs for continued success!
– Sherry
I’m going to try out this V-magic. Like you other reader I’ve been prescribed some steroids previously but mine was for Lichen sclerosus, another side effect of menopause.
The thing I’ve found is that so many doctors don’t have the slightest idea what they are talking about when it comes to menopause. It’s disheartening.
I still need to get the Vagina Bible.
Thanks for all these great resources.
Suzanne
It is incredibly disheartening that so many doctors are blind when it comes to helping women through menopause. Until recently, women’s issues were seen as non-issues and, even now, there are doctors who see women as overly “hysterical,” to use an old word. My hope is that doctors like Jennifer Gunter from The Vagina Bible are not only changing the way doctors see us but they’re empowering us to be able to stand on our own in a conversation with our doctors about these things.
One way or another, I hope you find relief for what’s going on for you, Suzanne. If you do try V-Magic, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Hugs,
Sherry
Sherry, I am so glad you did this post. I have been thinking for a while that us menopausal or post menopausal bloggers need to broach this sensitive subject. However, it is, exactly that, sensitive, just like our lower bits. I was really getting desperate, when I came upon V-Magic. I have been using a steroid cream prescribed by my gynecologist for years and I began to think, this is not good for me to use long term. I’d only use it when the pain and itching were absolutely driving me bonkers, but that seemed to be coming more frequently in the last year or so. I went through menopause quickly after being on the pill for years, and got off easy when it came to hot flashes, but I developed extremely sensitive skin in the lower regions. Finally, I started looking up things on line and came across V-Magic. I have been able to reduce my steroid use to about once a week (yes, usually after sex), but i’ll take it. I will definitely be sharing your post with my followers! Thanks again for doing what I didn’t know how to do. Hugs! – Amy
https://stylingrannymama.com/
Amy, thank you for writing about your experience with V-Magic! Your words have pretty much convinced me to go back to their products after I’ve finished using up my cheaper version. I’m so glad to know it has helped you.
Menopause is a tricky topic for so many reasons but it makes me happy to know we have a conversation started. Your input adds to this conversation and perhaps helps other women realize they’re not alone in their pain and discomfort.
Hugs and Gratitude!
Sherry
I’m still giggling about Mel’s comment regarding the government sponsored film on the menopause. But seriously, it always seemed to me that the menopause was always treated as something quite embarrassing, and certainly not something to be discussed in the open. I remember being at a child’s birthday party when I was in my early forties, and the child’s grandmothers were discussing “symptoms” and telling me off for half-listening in, as I was far too young for all that. And people can be so ignorant. My colleague, who’s in her early 50s and a couple of years younger than me told me she didn’t know anything about the menopause apart from the famous hot flushes, and she wasn’t having any symptoms anyway since she was on the pill! The vaginal dryness is probably something that comes to a surprise to many women, probably because nobody wants to know about the menopause until it hits them. Apart from that, and the occasional hot flushes, it’s a relief for me, as I used to have painful and irregular periods which triggered episodes of IBS, which I haven’t had since my periods stopped completely. I also used to have terrible night sweats, which seem to have stopped now as well. There are definitely some advantages, so hang on in there. xxx
It is interesting to me, Ann, this mystique behind menopause. “Mystique” makes it sound like we don’t talk about it because it’s glamorous and sexy. And maybe it is in its own way, but I haven’t figured out how yet. 🙂 At the very least, you not having painful, irregular periods and IBS has to be at least a little more glamorous and sexier than going through all that.
I’m looking forward to not having my period as well and hopeful I’ll get my brain back at some point. It seems to get held hostage at different times each month behind a foggy curtain and migraines that make it difficult to think and do things.
One of my pet peeves in life is when older women chastise younger women for being “too young” for this or that. Then we older women complain about ageism and wonder why all the younger women dismiss us as irrelevant. Those women at that child’s birthday party would have done you a great service by bringing you into the conversation. And they could have felt good about passing along their knowledge and experience. What they did was not cool.
So, thank you for passing along your experience, Ann. I sincerely appreciate it. You’ve given me hope and something to look forward to.
Hugs,
Sherry
Thank you for the much-needed information. Revaree is a good product with staying power, sent in plain boxes, and the phone staff are super helpful. We need to have more information about menopause that is reliable and easy to find. My other advice is that Web MD will scare the heck out of you, so be sure to have a doctor you can talk with.
Thank you for sharing that resource, Colleen! Vaginal dryness is a big deal. It impacts more than people might realize, which is strange it’s not talked about more often. So many women experience it but so few talk about it. We all just sit in silence with our arid (and often painful) vaginas. This is a much-needed resource. Thank you! Thank you!
Hugs,
Sherry
These references are gems, Sherry. I really enjoyed the video clip and the positive spin on menopause/post-menopause. I laughed at your reference to the dragons and the dingoes. Hahaha. I can imagine us all filing into a classroom to watch a government film board, black and white, reel-to-reel movie describing the changes that lie ahead for us and then see us snickering as we leave the room.
I’ve seen a battery fan attached to a water spritzer and you fill the spritzer with water and ice cubes and the fans blows the mist over your face. It was at a dollar store. It’s on my list. Thanks for this post.
Oh, Mel–I laughed out loud imagining us attending a government sponsored film about menopause. Can you imagine the jokes we rapscallions would make??? If the film was anything like the one I saw in 5th grade, I might actually throw rotten tomatoes at it! 🤣😂🤣
That battery-powered water spritzer fan is something I need to invest in! It sounds lovely.
Thank you for the info and the giggle!
Hugs,
Sherry
You are absolutely lovely! i am new to your blog and it was right up my alley….i am 48 and entering perimenopause…there will be 2 weeks i can’t sleep and sweating through my sheets, and then i enter another 2 weeks like the previous 2 weeks didn’t happen! LOL! looking forward to your posts!
Thank you, Eva! I just took a peek at your website and discovered you make period costumes for children. I practically swooned at your skill and creativity! If we lived closer, I would wish for us to create our own costumes and put together a video vignette that celebrates this whole midlife experience. 💕💕💕 What would that look like, do you think? I imagine previous generations sweating it out in heavy corsets followed by flappers and hippies burning their bras, then Madonna and our generation Voguing with hand-fans to a new menopausal beat. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. 🙂
Seriously, though, thank you for stopping by and commenting! I know exactly that sheet sweats experience you described, followed by two blissfully ignorant sweat-free weeks. How do we manage to forget until it happens again???
Hugs,
Sherry